28 November 2005
Over my Limit, My Knee said..
Many people would not understand and would not be able to empathize.
But my kneecap is really GONE...
It's an injury that will never recover...
Some of u might say ur knee oso pain. But think about it...
Issit the same case as me???
Mine is not overstrained or wat...
Well, I think junsheng will understand how I feel...
No matter how much I see the Chinese doctor, it will never recover...
Not even any medicine like glucosamine which help to strengthen joint...
I can only stop it from worsening...
I remembered what he told me on our 1st meeting...
Sinseh: Ur "Geng" is stuck between ur joint..and ur joints are rubbing each other.
This result ur joint plate to get thinner..
Me: Huh..But I still got wushu..
Sinseh: Is u continue to do wushu..one day the plate will be gone and U might need to go for an op or become a cripple in the future..
Believe me, I was shocked and scared at the same time..
But good thing is he helped to make my knee better..
Before I visit him, my knee would just collapse and would fell when I was walking..
But now, it did not happen anymore..
When I told him I wanted to join canoeing, he discouraged me..
I ignored his advice n joined canoeing. But of course, there is a price to pay..
I have to visit him regularly..
And every visit, I would scream my head off and sometime, the pain is so unbearable that I could not even shed a tear..
On Monday training, I really ran over my limit..I kept feeling a sharp pain in my knee..
And the "Geng" is pulling all the way to my lower back..
It was so jialat that my joints start to produce "Click-clang" sound as I ran..
Of course I was angry when WQ kept pushing me to run..
I noe his intention but sometime, not everything can be push over the limit..
I certainly dun want to become a cripple or go for an op..
I dun want to regret for my whole life..
I apologized for my act cute action after the run..
I was angry..very angry..
And I dunno how to let it out..And have no intention to scold ppl..
So I let it out in dat way..
Just let me complain and I will feel better..
It's definitely better than I cry or scold bad words..
Now, I could not even sit in peace..
My whole leg from the ankle to my lower back is in pain..
The whole stretch of "Geng" already kana pulled le..
It never happened before..
I cannot imagine how loud I will scream or tear when I visit my doctor next week..
U think I dun want a perfect knee and run like anyone of u???
Based on my competitive personality, I would want 2 outrun everyone..
But I can't now..
Everything is not as simple as “Mind Over Body” and “Endure”..
The fact is the pain is traumatizing that ur mind cannot ignore..
So sometime is not I dun want to run or CHAO GENG..
But it’s really over the limit of my knee..
I am only 19 this year..I definitely still have a many years to go..
I do not want to forgone sports for the rest of my life..
I believe u guys dun want me to regret and be a cripple too right???