21 May 2006
What's wrong with me?
It's 6am in the morning..
I could not sleep at all..
Took a wink but had a bad dream...
Dreamt that every step i took will be scolded and laughed by people..
My brother was in my dream too...
Torturing me till my neck twisted..
And i woke up....
I really dunno what is wrong with me?
Ppl said i changed, use more of msn and so on..
But in what way i changed?
I would really appreciate if someone would tell me..
Jasonz said i changed eversince i got a job..
I noe i do changed alittle, less interactive with him n friends now..
of coz, i am working and hoping i will excel, thus be more competitive..
I am not the old slacking my life away Regina anymore..
But i realised i neglected some of my friends..
So i try my best not to..
In fact, I noe I am not a good fren category..
I dunno how to keep or make friendship..
I got few good friends only..why?
There is a barrier in me eversince someone backstabbed me..
I don't dare to open up..
But I do treasure friendship juz that i dunno how to keep it..
What else i changed?
Tell me..if not, i will never know....
Use more of msn?
I admit that..
Of coz i would want to chat with friends online after a day work or do smth i dun do during office time..
I want to talk to Jasonz...
But he was always sleeping..
Even when i called him to get a little hugz..
He still sleep on...
I admit that i neglect Jasonz..
He said he got migraine, depression and so on...
I tried my best to show concern...
Truthfully, i really dunno what is the word "concern" & "love"..
Not much ppl tell or show me before since young..
To me, a person's personality is altered by family background..
And it does make an impact in my life and personality..
I dunno how to be a human being..I dunno how to love and care..
I only learn how to be unreasonable and stubborn and over-sensitive...
I only noe how to protect and love myself..
From Jasonz, I learnt how to take things easy..
Everytime when we got a problem, he wishes me to say..
But he never realise that whenever i voice it out...
he will question me back the same thing or juz say "because u..."
Gradually, I thought keeping quiet and let it be forgotten will be better..
It will take less than an hour for me to forget about it..
Some people might say I am not an understanding gf but I did tried..
But did Jasonz tried to understand how i feel?
Can't I get jealous and be sensitive?
Why do u always want to think from your own views..
I am REGINA not JASONZ..
Sometime I juz dunno who am i...
I may be cheerful but deep inside, i really dunno am i a happy person..
Sometime when i am alone, i will feel the emptiness in my heart..
Is a space that cannot be filled up...
I tried my best to be a human being and make everyone happy..
But what's really wrong with me???
I guess the terms "lousy friend" and a "lousy gf" suit me perfectly.