21 May 2006

What's wrong with me?

It's 6am in the morning..
I could not sleep at all..
Took a wink but had a bad dream...
Dreamt that every step i took will be scolded and laughed by people..
My brother was in my dream too...
Torturing me till my neck twisted..

And i woke up....

I really dunno what is wrong with me?
Ppl said i changed, use more of msn and so on..
But in what way i changed?

I would really appreciate if someone would tell me..
Jasonz said i changed eversince i got a job..
I noe i do changed alittle, less interactive with him n friends now..
of coz, i am working and hoping i will excel, thus be more competitive..
I am not the old slacking my life away Regina anymore..

But i realised i neglected some of my friends..
So i try my best not to..
In fact, I noe I am not a good fren category..
I dunno how to keep or make friendship..

I got few good friends only..why?
There is a barrier in me eversince someone backstabbed me..
I don't dare to open up..
But I do treasure friendship juz that i dunno how to keep it..

What else i changed?
Tell me..if not, i will never know....

Use more of msn?
I admit that..
Of coz i would want to chat with friends online after a day work or do smth i dun do during office time..
I want to talk to Jasonz...
But he was always sleeping..
Even when i called him to get a little hugz..
He still sleep on...

I admit that i neglect Jasonz..
He said he got migraine, depression and so on...
I tried my best to show concern...
Truthfully, i really dunno what is the word "concern" & "love"..
Not much ppl tell or show me before since young..

To me, a person's personality is altered by family background..
And it does make an impact in my life and personality..
I dunno how to be a human being..I dunno how to love and care..
I only learn how to be unreasonable and stubborn and over-sensitive...
I only noe how to protect and love myself..
And tolerate..

From Jasonz, I learnt how to take things easy..
Everytime when we got a problem, he wishes me to say..
But he never realise that whenever i voice it out...
he will question me back the same thing or juz say "because u..."
Gradually, I thought keeping quiet and let it be forgotten will be better..
It will take less than an hour for me to forget about it..

Some people might say I am not an understanding gf but I did tried..
But did Jasonz tried to understand how i feel?
Can't I get jealous and be sensitive?
Why do u always want to think from your own views..

Sometime I juz dunno who am i...
I may be cheerful but deep inside, i really dunno am i a happy person..
Sometime when i am alone, i will feel the emptiness in my heart..
Is a space that cannot be filled up...

I tried my best to be a human being and make everyone happy..
But what's really wrong with me???

I guess the terms "lousy friend" and a "lousy gf" suit me perfectly.

Kura Princess ^_^

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Regina Teh
23 Jan 1986
A Typical Aquarius
More about me at My Friendster

Friends ; Former Blog. Angela. Ana. Adel. Alvin Lee. Bernard. Cheryl. Chin Chong. Denise. Elva. Geraldine. Hansong. HuiMin. Jiaying. Jeremy. Junsheng. Kris. Lex. Michelle. Markie. NACC. Neeky. Poying. Pat. Rudith. Sandy. Serene. Sharon. Yixin.

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