I thought I can get it over but I am so wrong.. I woke up in the morning and feel the pain in my heart.. I dunno hw to describe..but sometime I feel many needles stabbing into my heart, sometime feel numb and sometime i feel that lemon juice is squeezed into the wounds in my stabbed heart..
I tried to minimize the pain by hugging the piglet he give me but to no avail..
It's so pain that I feel that I don't feel like going to work and just sleep through.. At least sleeping can make me forget the problem.. I tried to sing which is my favorite thing..but all I can sing is sad song and I sing it out with all from my heart.. Till I feel like crying...
I kept thinking back the time we share.. The first time he made me du lan when he just abandoned me at the bus stop during out first date.. How he peeled the prawn in a messy way and forced it into my mouth.. How he picked the chilli padi from my fishball and threw away when I was about to eat.. How he rushed down to grab me to have dinner with anxious and caring look when I said I having biscuit for dinner... How we played in the pool when I almost drown and his gay behaviour.. How we talk about buying a property unit in JB.. How he style his hair infront of the mirror and ask me which clothes to wear.. How we clean up his room together.. How I cook a meal for him..
And of coz, I will miss his everyday line "My hair long already right???"
It's so hard to let go but I know I have to becoz I love him.. It will be good if I could hate him but I can't..no matter how many people said he is bad, dun deserve my love and so on n on..I still love him and feel hurt when ppl say he is bad.. He not those really bad guy if not I would love him so much right? It occurred to me that my love for him has already reached an undesirable point whereby I can sacrifice my life to protect him.. I don't have this feeling before..not even when I am with Jasonz.. Guess this is really my FIRST love..but is a painful one..
This song specially dedicated to Kelvin.. Jay chou's An Jing.. It's explain how I feel but take away the part where it mention the bf/gf leave for another gurl/guy part..
I hope he learn from this relationship and learn to love some one in the future and not hurt her like he hurt me.. Coz it is really painful especially loving him wholeheartedly and change for his sake but got hurt not once but twice..
But I will still love you, Kelvin.. But not as gf anymore but in the position of a friend..
Kura Princess ^_^
23 Jan 1986
A Typical Aquarius
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